Malibu ('Baywatch')

Life never gets boring along the hot, white sands of Malibu Beach. On any given afternoon, visitors can expect a slow-motion rollerblading accident, a catastrophic earthquake or a paraglider crash into a cliff. Life would be anarchy on the beaches of California, if not for a dedicated team of babes and beefcakes, led by the fearless Mitch Buchannon (David Hasselhoff). Every spat among the lifeguards is cooled by Mitch's hunky smile; every airlift and daredevil motorboat chase is orchestrated by Mitch's can-do brilliance. So you've found a corpse washed up on the sand? Mitch will solve the crime -- cutting through the crowds of curvaceous supermodels and seeking truth, justice and the California way. We recommend choking on some seawater -- you can fully expect a washed-up porn star to sprint across the dunes and administer some welcome mouth-to-mouth.

Miami Beach ('Nip/Tuck')

Florida is no place for flab. Palefaces and fatties might as well stay up north. If you're going to comb the Miami waves, you'd better set up an appointment with Sean McNamara (Dylan Walsh) and Christian Troy (Julian McMahon), the surgical wizards who'll happily suck that pesky celluloid from your thighs. And it really doesn't matter who you are. Addicted to plastic surgery? No problem. Ruthless leader of a drug cartel? Just sign on the dotted line. Weirdo male humor-writer seeking a synthetic bust? Sean and Christian are standing by, scalpels at the ready. Miami can be tough on the common folk, but there's nothing a little silicone can't handle. Although the good doctors may have Emmy-winning character, nobody in Miami will judge you for your personality.

Honolulu ('Magnum, P.I.')

Nowhere is it more relaxing than the beaches of Honolulu. Just ask Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV (Tom Selleck), ex-naval officer and super-chill private investigator. His day consists of throwing on a patterned tropical shirt, cracking open a beer and, maybe, solving a hum-drum mystery or two. Even crime-fighting can be done in style: You can sport a slick mustache and hop into your spotless Ferrari and hang out with some stylish "contacts" (playboys, nightclub owners, screwball helicopter pilots). Sure, there's always the risk of a shoot-out or a high-speed chase along the steep mountain cliffs, but after a quick one-liner and a hearty laugh, the laid-back spirit of Hawaii takes over once more -- unless your friend, a wealthy tourist/tycoon, starts bossing you around. Even in paradise, that Higgins can be a real buzz-kill.

Laguna Beach ('Laguna Beach')

Dude, OK -- so Kyndra got way out of hand with the partying and the shopping and stuff, but she's homeschooled, so whatevs. But Breanna is totally her partner-in-crime, y'know, and that's kinda lame. Breanna finally made up with Rocky, so that's cool, but is Tessa gonna get over her issues, or what? Maybe if Lexie started chilling out like those two, like, everybody would totally bond a little better ... uh ... man, Laguna Beach is way complicated. What were we talking about?